Mother's Day Stresssss

Wow. Long time, no blog. I must say I'm surprised at myself. The past couple nights I attempted to blog, but I'd end up falling asleep holding my laptop. Thursday night, I had my laptop sitting on my lap..fell asleep..and then rolled over which resulted in throwing my computer off my bed. I can't afford a new laptop so I'm not going to try to blog when I'm tired anymore.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. I have no idea what to do for my mom and I'm totally stressing about it. I know you're probably thinking, "Andrea, don't worry about it. It's the thought that counts." No, not true. You don't know Jackie Thomas.

Don't get me wrong. My mom is a FANTASTIC person. I can count on her for anything. She has always been there for me. At the same time, though, my mom isn't afraid to say what she is thinking, expects a lot, and if you (or any one) screws up..she won't let you forget about it. In fact, my mom holds the worst grudges of any one I've ever met.
I'm not exaggerating. For example, in second grade my mom bought me brand new white tennis shoes that had Barbie's name written in pink all over the laces and the soles lit up pink when I walked(they were pretty sweet). My mom lectured me about taking care of them and the proper way to keep them clean. She stressed that I wouldn't get a new pair until next year.
Well, the first day of school came, and the debut of my brand new white shoes was quickly interrupted by a fellow classmate who wanted to see if she could make them light up MORE by stomping on my feet. I still remember the horrified look on my mom's face when she saw the scuff marks all over my shoes when I got home from school. She asked me what happened. I told her.
SIXTEEN YEARS since the shoe incident, I run into the girl in the mall while I'm shopping with my mom. I smiled and embraced the girl. We were genuinely glad to see each other. We hadn't seen each other since graduating from high school. Meanwhile, my mom is just standing there. Doesn't even say hi. When she walks off, my mom says to me, "Ugh, that brat. Remember what she did to your shoes? She has always been jealous of you." Really mom...it is time to let go.

That is just one example. I could write these all day. My mom and dad have been married for 30 years. She still brings back things he did wrong from when they were dating (God bless that man. He puts up with a lot).

I'm particularly on edge about this mother's day because of a incident we had the other day (I think it was Wednesday?). It was a gorgeous day and I was in a great mood so obviously I was dancing around the kitchen singing Boom Boom Pow by the Black Eyed Peas while my mom was cooking dinner (If that's wrong, I don't want to be right.)
I was wearing flip flops..spinning and jumping around..and then BAM I stubbed my toe. The pain was so intense I yelled...without even thinking...the worse thing you could possibly say in front of the woman who gave you life, "MOTHER F%$KER!!!!!!!!!!!"
I honestly don't even know where that came from. I drop the F-bomb from time to time, but really? Mother Fu#$er? In front of my mother? Close to Mother's Day?? What is wrong with me???
I had my back to my mom and heard her drop everything she was holding. Then, she says, "I CAN NOT believe those words just came out of my baby girl's mouth" (Baby girl? I'm 23 and this is happening to me? Time. To. Move. Out.....still, I felt bad.) She then proceeds on this long tirade, "blah blah blah no one will want to marry a girl that uses that word." Well fine then, fu*kity, *uck, *uck, *uck.

Juuuust kidding, but seriously, she is still mad. So I have to do it BIG this mother's day or forty years from now I'll be hearing about the time I shattered my mom's world by dropping the f-bomb in front of her.

I was going to buy her a huge bouquet of flowers. Every woman loves flowers. Then, I got home from Eastern Michigan last night..walk in our house..and see the most impressive display of flowers sitting on our kitchen table. *uck. My brother beat me to it.

Then, I decided to make dinner reservations at Francesco's, my mom's favorite restaurant. *uck. They are closed on Sundays.

THEN, I thought I'd take her to get a manicure and pedicure. I was secretly going through her purse trying to remember the name of the place she likes to go to. She has a manicurist's card in her wallet. Then, I see it. *UCK. A giftcard from ME she still hasn't used from her birthday.

So basically I'm screwed. It's Saturday..and I have no ideas left. The future is looking bleak..nice knowing you all.