Not a happy blog.

This is not a happy blog.

I never thought this would happen to me...but it has. I am THAT girl. If you don't know what that means you're a guy,in a relationship, or extremely lucky. You never ever want to be THAT girl.

As THAT girl I am the "Go To" person for all the matchmakers who have nice awkward guy friends who haven't found, but are looking for, THE ONE.

The descriptions the matchmakers give of these "irresistible bachelors" are always the same..

"You should meet my..(fill in blank with relation--son, friend, cousin, nephew, etc.)..He is so nice/sweet/(fill in with some BS adjective). I think you would get along; you two have a lot in common."

I'm learning that as soon as a guy is described as NICE I should abort mission.

Some fellow co-workers claimed their friend and I have TONS in common..and he's so NICE.
Next thing I know, I'm on a date with a man who keeps a Chewbacca costume in his trunk (just in case) and a Big Foot fetish. (I hope he isn't reading this..it'd be hard to play like I'm talking about some one else.) ..I still to this day haven't found out what we have in common.

Ran into a friend I hadn't seen in awhile at a wedding, "Oh My God..Andrea. I have the perfect guy for you. He is so nice. You two would definitely hit it off."
Next thing I know I'm on a date with Eharmony..What's Eharmony like? Take the guy that IS my type and pretend it's opposite day. He updates his Eharmony account more than I do my Facebook. He is short. Doesn't work out. Doesn't enjoy going out. He is looking for a stay at home wife who is willing to pop out 9 kids.

So I'm a smart girl (..well it's debatable), but I will not make the same mistake twice. I learned that, "You have a lot in common with my (fill in relation..friend, son, etc)," is code for, "You and my (fill in relation) are both single." (P.S. I don't even know how people just KNOW I'm single..I think if people JUST KNOW..it's a bad thing, right?) AND "He is so nice." is code for,"he's weird, but has a good heart please love him."
I haven't been on any more of these dates, but the attacks keep coming and it's driving me LOCO.

A coworker of mine says, "You know, you and my son are about the same age. He's a roadie for a band. I bet you two would really hit it off."

Abort.

After a conference a mother says to me, "My son is your age. You would think he's so sweet. Why don't you give me your number? When he is out of jail I'll have him call you."

Abort.

At Grandma's..It's gotta be safe at Grandma's, right?..NOPE
"Andrea, we have a new neighbor who looks to be around your age. I hear he's very nice." GRANDMA NOT YOU TOO!

Abort.

My supervisor says, "My friend Rachel's boyfriend's brother has a friend that you would have a ton in common with."

Abort.

(This could go on forever.)

Finally, today, a teacher that provides private instruction to one of my speech kids says, "I have a nephew for you." I'm thinking 'Oh, she has a young nephew who needs speech therapy." I say to her, "Really? How old is he?" She replies, "23."

Here we go.

She continues, "He is such a nice boy. I think you would like him a lot. Of course..his hair is longer than yours right now. I think he plans on donating it to Locks of Love. Hm..I'm not really sure about his beard though. His beard is longer than his hair. HAHA! He looks like Jesus."

I lost it.

I replied, "I can't see myself doing anything other than praying with Jesus. Thanks though."



This is why I love blogging. I feel so much better now.